you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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