i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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