Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
