it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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