All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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