it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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