I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
