i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
