its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
