It's Friday. Sex?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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