I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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