i just had sex bonerless
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
