I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
