I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
