I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
