dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ttyl tear gas
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
