I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
