you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
