she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
