im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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