overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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