bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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