a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
