dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
