In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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