bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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