Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
