I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize