Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
