from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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