so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize