I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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