White coat. Heels.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
