Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
