he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
