So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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