Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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