I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
