spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My life is pants optional.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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