found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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