I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We talked him into tasing himself.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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