ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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