Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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