it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
