Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
