May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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