Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
