You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize