one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
