You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize