i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
