Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
