Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
