ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
