he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
