No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
