last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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