A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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