i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
