we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize