Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My vagina is officially offended.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
