just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
