God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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