It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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