were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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