Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
