You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize