You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
