I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
