i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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