no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
