oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
