Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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