Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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