What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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