Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
