I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
nutella sex= disaster
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
