I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize