lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A+ Viking dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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