The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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