Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
