I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
