I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
