it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
