i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
