never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
