4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need a shit load of segways right now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
