i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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