I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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