dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
